Oh Halloween. My favorite time of year when the veil between the spirit world and our own living hell becomes oh so very thin. When all of the normals dress up as me and go door to door to beg for sugary treats. This year I'm handing out apples that I've injected with amphetamines and laxatives (a hilarious combination). It's a holiday tradition in the Strychnine household. Yes sirs and madames of fright, Miss Violet Strychnine here to subject you to another bucket of bile and blood. Last year my Samhain film of choice was the lovely 2007 freak show called Trick or Treat.
This year I have something else up my sleeve. What do you get when you mix pizza delivery, babysitting, witchcraft, puffy jackets, and demon spawn? Well you get the 2009 Ti West directed shocker House of the Devil. Order a pizza and sit in the dark to watch this skin crawler. Just make sure to tip the pizza guy extra as you answer the door in your chicken wearing a diaper costume.
Happy Halloween my darlings. May the spookiness never end. xoxoxoxo
Ah nothing takes the fun out of dismemberment and decapitations like getting the flu. A whole week of cherry flavored drug induced fever dreams, everything covered in bile and snot, chicken soup, and a healthy dose of horror films. Oh but the horror stops for no one. Not even you.
A sickly Violet Strychnine laying in her deathbed to cough you up an acrid dose of vile vapor action. Ever wonder what it feels like to have parasites living under your skin. Laying thousands of eggs that hatch into thousands of hungry worms that putrefy your flesh as they eat their way out. I think about it all the time. Or perhaps you are flying on an airplane that is recycling the tainted air coughed up by someone with a flesh eating, eye melting virus. That person is probably sitting right next to you. Eating his peanuts and hacking them into a vomit bag. That's exacly why I don't fly.
Anywho, here's a few films that make me want to hand sanitize everything that comes near me. If you need me, I'll be in my plastic bubble.
[Rec] - A 2007 Spanish film about an apartment building filled with "infected" people who want to eat your face off. A television reporter goes in and gets more than a feel good kitty story. Remade in the states as Quarantine (which I actually liked as well).
[Rec 2] - The 2009 sequel. Same thing but this time it's a medical professional and a swat team that goes int he "infected" building. Still no feel good kitten stories. Also very good. Quarantine 2 was different this time around and takes place in an airplane terminal. (Not quite as good but still enjoyable).
28 Days Later - 2002 masterpiece directed by Danny Boyle, starring the handsome Cillian Murphy. People get bit by monkeys. People get upset (the rage). England goes ape shit and eats each other. A military guy has a really bad haircut and Cillian and friends escape to the Shire.
28 Weeks Later - The 2007 sequel. England feels better. Then it gets sick again because of some pesky kids. America tries to kill everyone but the pesky kids kill the rest of the world.
The Divide - a 2011 film about nuclear plague. A basement full of jerks kill each other and start to lose their minds (and their good looks). A Lady goes for a swim in a sewer. Fingers get cut off.
Shivers - The 1975 film by David Cronenberg in which a parasitic virus turns people into sex crazed fiends wanting to infect each other by giving them slobbery wet kisses. There were no breath mints or mouthwash to be found. Oh the horror!
Rabid - The 1977 Cronenberg film about bad flesh gone wrong. Turns out that the experimental surgery after Rose's motorcycle crash has given her a taste for blood. She has a sip and her victims go mad and need to kill, kill, kill! Stay away from her armpit!!!
Anyways, my precious parasites. Only 9 more days until Halloween. Make sure to hold your breathe and keep all of your holes closed to keep the bugs out. xoxo
Once in a while I have to pluck a strange hair or two off my shoulder. I see it there and start to think that perhaps I'm going through the change. Ya know "Grandma, what big eyes you have." and all that. I only know one or two Gypsies and they're real nice so I can't really see myself getting cursed by them. I was bit by a dog once. Oh dear, I hope I'm not becoming a were-schnauzer. That would be horrific. They always have that brown drippy stuff hanging off their matted beards. Just put me out of my misery.
Violet Strychnine here with another vat of viciously vile venom. Tonight's triple feature contains a duo of Canadian high school girls that have a few unwanted hair problems of their own. Ginger and Brigitte have all sorts of wolfy hijinx and no amount of marijuana, Nair, or silver bullets can help them.
The 2000 film Ginger Snaps starts it all off with a disturbing case of puberty setting in on the girls, especially Ginger who's starting to get hairy palms. Ginger starts to put streaks in her hair and wear shorter skirts and it's all up to Brigitte and her drug dealer friend to make things right again.
In 2003 came Ginger Snaps II: Unleashed. This time around Ginger is a ghost and Brigitte is in a drug rehab. Now Brigitte has problems being hairy and with the help of her new, super shy friend she looks for a cure.
In 2004 the Ginger trilogy took a turn towards the past with Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning. Set in Canadian frontier times the girls now take refuge in a fort filled with asshole soldiers and a guy with a werewolf baby. One of the girls get bit again and more hairy hijinx ensues.
Well, that's it for now my caustic cretins. Only 17 days until Halloween. Until then, shave your hairy bits and stay safe. xoxo
I often dream of living in some small, far away land where the wind in the trees whisper horrid things and the gloom never leaves. I would eat my kidney and appendage pie and drink wolf's bane tea all night long. Go for midnight rides in my horse carriage hearse and spread nightmares to all the sleeping saps about town. Perhaps that will be my next vacation.
Miss Violet Strychnine here to bury your bodies in unmarked graves. Tonight's film is a squirmy one indeed. The 1988 folk scare The Lair of the White Worm which was loosely based on the book of the same name by Bram Stoker. A Scottish archaeologist finds a giant snake skull in the ground. There is a legend about a giant worm/snake terrorizing these parts long ago but was chopped in half and thought to be dead. Snake cults, sexy ladies in leather, and devil spit make this film a winner. Why I can't I have my very own giant evil worm? I never get what I want.
That's it for tonight my wicked little wraiths. Only 20 more days until Halloween. xoxo
Hello my little bats and ghouls. Sorry for the delay. I was trapped in a coffin, buried under cement, and wrapped in chains. You know, kinky stuff like that. I nearly broke a nail climbing out of that hole. Stupid bigoted villagers and their pointy pitchforks. Just because I feed on their livestock and sometimes their awful little bratty children. Is that so wrong? So anyways, to make it up to you cretins (who were waiting oh so patiently by the internet for my often spotty yet usually knowledgeable knowledge of all thing macabre and malign and maggoty) I decided to give you a quadrilogy of evil. A whole plethora of blood and guts.
Violet Strychnine here, ready and willing to gut you like the filthy animals you are. I have one word for you (okay perhaps it's a few words. I was never good at math). George Mother Fucking Romero (his full birth name. true story). The man knows zombies, am I right? And malls too. He knows the horrid, Orange Julius stench of malls like nobody else. There is nothing creepier than the mall. That's the last place I would want to die and spend eternity wandering around. I would probably get caught in the escalator and never get loose.
Spoiler alert if you haven't seen these films. You know, in case you were buried in a coffin to rot for eternity or just awoke from a 50 year coma. You are excused. In 1968 there was Night of the Living Dead. Barbara hates her stupid brother and he gets bit by an old man. She runs to a farm house and meets a nice man who is good at killing zombies. The gas station explodes and rednecks kill everybody.
In 1978 Mr. Romero made Dawn of the Dead. People live in a mall full of zombies and eat lots of cheese and go ice skating. A mean biker gang decide that they want to ice skate too. All hell breaks loose.
In 1985 there was Day of the Dead. A bunch of military guys live in an underground bunker and smoke weed. They have a pet zombie who uses firearms and listens to metal. Arms get chopped off with machetes and a Jamaican guy flies a helicopter to the beach.
In 2005 Romero made Land of the Dead. People have zombie pets on leashes. A greedy man lives in a swanky high rise and poor people want to come inside and use the pool but are not allowed. Zombies learn to speak English and go swimming. Plus the lovely Asia Argento is in it so that's nice.
Mr. Romero did not stop there. Diary of the Dead, Survival of the Dead, and Ham Sandwich of the Dead. Anywho. Only 21 days left until Halloween my little rabid weasels. Lock your doors and keep your arms and legs in the ride at all times. xoxox
Don't you just love a good Halloween party? All the candy apples stuffed with razor blades and a nice big bowl of arsenic punch. Games like bobbing for broken glass and stab the random person in the dark. I just love spooky parties. Nothing beats an old fashioned seance or demon invocation just to spice things up. Get all dolled up in one of my sexy witch/vampire/ghoul outfits (This isn't a fucking costume! It's a way of life!) and spooky the normals. I swear, people get so offended when you spew blood all over their khakis. Boring.
Mistress Violet Strychnine here with another dose of demon debauchery my little heathens. Tonight's feature is the 1988 eye socket sucker Night of the Demons. Spooky girl Angela and her busty friend Suzanne (played by scream queen goddess Linnea Quigley) are throwing a creepy Halloween party down at the local abandoned funeral parlor. The guest don't realize that perhaps having a seance in a demon infested mortuary is perhaps not the best plan. I mean, we didn't bring enough chips and dips for your demon friends. Anyways, slaughter happens, demons eat people's faces, Linnea sticks a whole tube of lipstick straight into her nipple, and there's more running and screaming than you can shake a pointy stick at.
That's it for now my little lunatics. Only 25 days left until Halloween. xoxoxo
Have you ever loved someone sooooo much that you would do anything to show it. You know, like bring them flowers. Cook them a fancy dinner. Sneak into their house when they aren't home just to smell their under things and perhaps hide in the closet until they got home and watch them sleep all night long. Yeah. Sweet things that say I love you and I will cut your fucking head off if you ever think about not loving me back. Romantic stuff like that.
Violet Strychnine here my petite, prancing parasites. Tonight's bit of eye trauma is the 2009 Aussie romantic horror film The Loved Ones. Girl loves boy. Girl's father kidnaps boy. A lovely evening of disturbing party favors, awkward prom dancing, and cheerful torture ensues. Be sure to wear a raincoat cause this one's a messy little gem. Who knew that hot pink could be so terrifying.
That's it for today my vile little victims. Only 25 days left until Halloween. Oh, and don't bother looking in your closet before you go to sleep. I'll probably be hiding under your bed. xoxo
Hello my lovely little ghoul friends. Let's talk about alien anal probing for a minute. I'm going to keep this one short butt sweet. I'll try not to be ass-anine. There's nothing to rear, um I mean fear. Unless of course these colon curious creatures come from the moon of Uranus. Ahahahaha! Anywho my little unidentified flying mongrels. Violet Strychnine here with another honey bucket full of murky stink to dip your eyeballs in.
Tonight's feature is the Fred Olen Ray 1980 stink bomb, Alien Dead. I think it was made for around 13 dollars and a couple of free doughnuts for the "actors". Badly dubbed, badly filmed, badly acted, and just plain badly bad. All around badness. "So why should I watch this film?" you might be asking yourself. Well because it's hilarious and has spooky swamp alien zombies. That's why. There may have been some reference to aliens landing in the swamp perhaps, I think. All of a sudden the swamp is infested with zombies. Lots of backwoods people get eaten up. Somebody eats a possum. The newspaper guy loses his shoes. Intestines get repeatedly pulled out of people. The end.
Only 26 more days until Halloween my malicious muffins. Stay crispy. xoxoxo
Oh, and here's the whole film for your pleasure.
