The Dead Living

Hello my little bats and ghouls. Sorry for the delay. I was trapped in a coffin, buried under cement, and wrapped in chains. You know, kinky stuff like that. I nearly broke a nail climbing out of that hole. Stupid bigoted villagers and their pointy pitchforks. Just because I feed on their livestock and sometimes their awful little bratty children. Is that so wrong? So anyways, to make it up to you cretins (who were waiting oh so patiently by the internet for my often spotty yet usually knowledgeable knowledge of all thing macabre and malign and maggoty) I decided to give you a quadrilogy of evil. A whole plethora of blood and guts.

Violet Strychnine here, ready and willing to gut you like the filthy animals you are. I have one word for you (okay perhaps it's a few words. I was never good at math). George Mother Fucking Romero (his full birth name. true story). The man knows zombies, am I right? And malls too. He knows the horrid, Orange Julius stench of malls like nobody else. There is nothing creepier than the mall. That's the last place I would want to die and spend eternity wandering around. I would probably get caught in the escalator and never get loose.

Spoiler alert if you haven't seen these films. You know, in case you were buried in a coffin to rot for eternity or just awoke from a 50 year coma. You are excused. In 1968 there was Night of the Living Dead. Barbara hates her stupid brother and he gets bit by an old man. She runs to a farm house and meets a nice man who is good at killing zombies. The gas station explodes and rednecks kill everybody.

In 1978 Mr. Romero made Dawn of the Dead. People live in a mall full of zombies and eat lots of cheese and go ice skating. A mean biker gang decide that they want to ice skate too. All hell breaks loose.

In 1985 there was Day of the Dead. A bunch of military guys live in an underground bunker and smoke weed. They have a pet zombie who uses firearms and listens to metal. Arms get chopped off with machetes and a Jamaican guy flies a helicopter to the beach.

 

In 2005 Romero made Land of the Dead. People have zombie pets on leashes. A greedy man lives in a swanky high rise and poor people want to come inside and use the pool but are not allowed. Zombies learn to speak English and go swimming. Plus the lovely Asia Argento is in it so that's nice.

Mr. Romero did not stop there. Diary of the Dead, Survival of the Dead, and Ham Sandwich of the Dead. Anywho. Only 21 days left until Halloween my little rabid weasels. Lock your doors and keep your arms and legs in the ride at all times. xoxox