Blood on the Ice.

Shivers (1976)

Directed by David Cronenberg

Hello hookers, slashers, and against the glass bashers. Happy hockey season my cold hearted darklings. As some of you may know I am partly French Canadian and so hockey pulls at me like a hypnotic trance. I'm not a sports ball kinda girl but I can't escape my maple glazed veins. So in honor of this wonderful day I have decided to watch a few of my fave Canadian horror films. (Friday the 13th part3 was too on the nose) If you want to live, come with me and stay out of the penalty box.

You know what scares me more than anything. Sickness, viruses, germs, parasites. Yeah, no thank you. My immune system is pretty nonfunctioning so if someone has the creepy shit near me, I will get it. I need a hazmat suit just to go to the corner store. 

The virus going around this creepy Canadian apartment complex turns you into a sex crazed murderous nympho. I already have enough problems in my life. I don't need that. But anyways, if you like weird body horror and upsetting chaos shot in grainy 70s film stock this movie is for you.

Black Christmas

Directed by Bob Clark

This is a Christmas movie. A Christmas slasher. Yeah, I know it is. Black Christmas is also one of those films that are better watched twice during the Halloween and Christmas seasons. Pair it with another slasher like The Prowler or something for Halloween and then double feature this gem with Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer for Yule. Fun for the whole family. Just cover your kids eyes for the head suffocated in the bag part. Oh and maybe cover their ears for the obscene phone calls. 

Black Christmas is my favorite slasher film of all time. It oozes creepy atmosphere. Who would have thunk that the wholesome mind of Bob Clark could have envisioned such amazing horror filth before making such family treasures such as A Christmas Story and Porkys. Yeah, ummm okay. Anyways, creepy dude obscene-calls the sorority house and Margot Kidder tells him to fuck right off. But no, he does not. Lock your doors, lock your windows, because this creep is snatching all your people up.

The Changeling

Directed by Peter Medak

George C. Scott reminds me of my father-in-law. Like he popped straight out of a Popeye cartoon. I always enjoy watching him (George C. Scott, not my father-in-law, that would be creepy). Anyways, The Changeling is a super chilling slow creeper of a ghost story. One of the scariest if you don't require jump scares to get your rocks off.

Okay so you can have this super giant creepy old mansion for really cheap but you have to live with a creepy old ghost boy in a wheelchair who likes to throw balls down the stairs at you and moan a lot. Sometimes the wheelchair may chase you but don't worry about that. Ummm, yeah no. I'm fine in my little barely ghosty house where the only I have to worry about is whether or not a creepy hillbilly just climbed the fence to poop in my back yard.

Anyways, enjoy these Canadian treasures in between periods of your favorite teams game tonight. Go Canucks go. Go Habs Go. Ok. Go away, go.