Hello bargain shoppers. There is a sale down at Mistress Violet Strychnine's House of Fresh Meat. Don't forget your buy one get one dead coupons. I just love the mall don't you? I could spend the whole day listening to screaming babies, getting shoved by pushy coupon cutters, and drinking gallons of orange sludge from the food court. It's peculiar, every time I go to the mall people always seem to stare for a minute and then run away. I mean, I only carry my machete around in case I want to cut off that itchy tag of my brand new baby seal arm warmers. Oh well, more bargains for me! Anywho, what do you get when you put deadly robots in charge of mall security? Watch the 1986 film Chopping Mall and you may just find out. I suppose the best way to deal with trespassers and shoplifters is death by flamethrower or razor sharp circular saw arms. I mean, sure they could've gone a more "traditional" route and hired a rent a cop but that my little trolls just wouldn't be nearly as exciting of a movie. I can just see it now, kids throw a party in the closed mall, security guard catches them and calls their parents. The end. That would be a really bad movie in my opinion. Watch the blood fly and the heads explode. Only 23 days left . Until tomorrow my crusty little monkeys. xoxo
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